AWESOME!

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Alexander the Great, Cash Cab, Grand Canyon, Hubble Space Telescope, Milky Way, Quasars, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Speed of Light

What would be awesome is if I never hear the word awesome again in the way it has now come to be used.  The Grand Canyon is awesome. The fact that there is a comet somewhere out in the vast icy reaches of space traveling at one million four hundred and forty thousand miles an hour is awesome. But “yes thank you, I will have fries with my cheeseburger” is not, I repeat, not “awesome.”

The unabridged edition of the Random House Dictionary of the English Language lists the first definition of awe as; “an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, fear etc., produced by that which is grand, sublime, extremely powerful, or the like: in awe of God; in awe of authority.” The last time I had a side of fries they were not “awesome”, they were frozen.

        Perhaps this is me just getting old, but I am a bit concerned that many words in our beautiful and expressive language have become utterly devalued as well as misused. If one’s response of “paper” to the question “paper or plastic?” elicits an “awesome”, what word might we then possibly utter in response to

Breaking News # 3. – God charged in alleged NFL fixing scandal

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Global climate change, National Football League, Republican party, Rick Perry, Tea Party, White House

On the virtual eve of a brand new season, God was charged today with allegedly fixing the outcomes of the last forty years worth of games played in the National Football League. According to Her attorney, God “at no time had anything to do with any of the players who, when games were over, would thank Her for either helping them to win, or play their best.” For Her part God said: “I swear on Myself that I’ve never even paid attention to any sporting event since woolly mammoth riding, and that was so totally a yawn.” She than made a hasty exit saying: “I really have far more pressing matters than this to attend to like, oh, I dunno… global climate change, for example.” When asked to elaborate She said: “All my efforts in the climate change area continue to be thwarted by a bunch of Conservative Republican ignoramuses, and their dumb Republican Tea Party puppets.” She added: “And if a schmuck like this Rick Perry weasels his way into the White House, I’m moving to another Universe.”

When asked later why players keep thanking Her, She shrugged and replied; “Me only knows.”

Immagrints Are The Cause (# 2 in the satirical series; “Email from the Tea Party)

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Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Hitler, Immigrants, Michelle Bachmann, Pastor John Hagee, Rick Perry, Tea Party

I personaly think that all these people from countries like Tiajuanna and Accapulco should just go home and leave us alone here. They are why everythings stinks here and now. These lefty progressive and liberal people always say that the mess we are in now its President George W. Bushes fawlt. But how on G-ds green earth can it be his fawlt when HE ISNT EVEN A MEXICAN! (Duh). I am sick and tired of him and Mr. Dick Chaney being blamed when they were two of the greatest leaders we have ever posessed. And now we have a chance to posess another. I am talking of our own Rick Perry a man of the people and a woman too Michelle Bachman. We need to get out and vote them in the white house and get the muslim obama out. And the other people we need to watch are the ones that Mr Rick Perrys friend and supporter Pastor John Hagee warned about when he said “And they the hunters should hunt them,’ that will be the Jews. ‘From every mountain and from every hill and from out of the holes of the rocks.’ If that doesn’t describe what Hitler did in the holocaust you can’t see that.” That’s what the good Pastor said amen and I have it right here on a couch cushun. So we can be sure its immagrints who are not the pure Americans who are the problem as always they have been. Im sure we would all be fine and dandy to go pick our own letuce and mellons and what have you gladly. The young people are always going to the gim instead they would probably love to get the ecxercise out in the sun in the fields picking food and things. We don’t need anyone from a country like Moscow or wherever. So remember vote.

Breaking News (# 2) Darth Vader says: “…saddened, and highly insulted, by any, and all, comparisons between him and Dick Cheney”

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Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Guantanamo Bay, Hurricane Katrina, Iraq war, memoir

A spokesperson for Darth Vader said today, “Mr. Vader is deeply saddened, and highly insulted, by any, and all, comparisons between him and Dick Cheney.” She went on to say, “Mr. Vader killed approximately 215 people, give or take another 20 or so, including some Jedis, and, yes – he killed Obi-wan Kenobi, Padme’, The Emperor, some Battle Droids and Super battle Droids, Captain Antilles, and  some imperial officers…that’s it. Unlike Mr. Cheney, he did not, however, preside over an

WHAT!!! (# 6 in the series; Emails from the Tea Party)

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4G, cell phones, gays, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Sprint

I just heard on the TV while I was in the other room that Sprint is America’s favorite ORGY network? What? What??? This is crazy! This is something my grandchildren are seeing! This wanton permissiveness has GOT TO STOP! What with the gays getting married and whatever else those people do, I mean, who knows what they’re doing with their…appliances.  I know that the Sprint has those cell phones where you can make a video and all, but to advertise that you are the ORGY NETWORK??? I am gob-smacked. Oh wait…it’s even worse than I thought…now I see that their saying…4G. 4G?…4G?? Is this an orgy with 4 people in it? Is this 4G some new kind of hep, slang, black rap thing for a 4 person orgy? The blacks have gone to far here. They are making a comercial on TV where children watch about their phones designed specificaly for ORGIES WITH 4 PEOPLE??? And blacks are all doing that RAPPING about it? This is why I’m voting for Rick Perry, and Michele Bachmann! JUST SO YOU ALL KNOW!

Author’s note: with respect to the great Gilda Radner.