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On the virtual eve of a brand new season, God was charged today with allegedly fixing the outcomes of the last forty years worth of games played in the National Football League. According to Her attorney, God “at no time had anything to do with any of the players who, when games were over, would thank Her for either helping them to win, or play their best.” For Her part God said: “I swear on Myself that I’ve never even paid attention to any sporting event since woolly mammoth riding, and that was so totally a yawn.” She than made a hasty exit saying: “I really have far more pressing matters than this to attend to like, oh, I dunno… global climate change, for example.” When asked to elaborate She said: “All my efforts in the climate change area continue to be thwarted by a bunch of Conservative Republican ignoramuses, and their dumb Republican Tea Party puppets.” She added: “And if a schmuck like this Rick Perry weasels his way into the White House, I’m moving to another Universe.”

When asked later why players keep thanking Her, She shrugged and replied; “Me only knows.”