Whenever I hear the words “no problem” I instinctively look up fully expecting to see a safe plummeting straight at my head from thirty stories above me. Either that, or I quickly sprint away from where I’m standing because the ground is going to open up and swallow me whole. I know it! I know, and there is no doubt in my mind about this, that something terrible is about to happen to me upon hearing someone utter these two filthy, miserable, little words. I do not have enough fingers and toes on my hands that will enable me to tick off Continue reading
What would be awesome is if I never hear the word awesome again in the way it has now come to be used. The Grand Canyon is awesome. The fact that there is a comet somewhere out in the vast icy reaches of space traveling at one million four hundred and forty thousand miles an hour is awesome. But “yes thank you, I will have fries with my cheeseburger” is not, I repeat, not “awesome.”
The unabridged edition of the Random House Dictionary of the English Language lists the first definition of awe as; “an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, fear etc., produced by that which is grand, sublime, extremely powerful, or the like: in awe of God; in awe of authority.” The last time I had a side of fries they were not “awesome”, they were frozen.
Perhaps this is me just getting old, but I am a bit concerned that many words in our beautiful and expressive language have become utterly devalued as well as misused. If one’s response of “paper” to the question “paper or plastic?” elicits an “awesome”, what word might we then possibly utter in response to Continue reading
On the virtual eve of a brand new season, God was charged today with allegedly fixing the outcomes of the last forty years worth of games played in the National Football League. According to Her attorney, God “at no time had anything to do with any of the players who, when games were over, would thank Her for either helping them to win, or play their best.” For Her part God said: “I swear on Myself that I’ve never even paid attention to any sporting event since woolly mammoth riding, and that was so totally a yawn.” She than made a hasty exit saying: “I really have far more pressing matters than this to attend to like, oh, I dunno… global climate change, for example.” When asked to elaborate She said: “All my efforts in the climate change area continue to be thwarted by a bunch of Conservative Republican ignoramuses, and their dumb Republican Tea Party puppets.” She added: “And if a schmuck like this Rick Perry weasels his way into the White House, I’m moving to another Universe.”
When asked later why players keep thanking Her, She shrugged and replied; “Me only knows.”
I personaly think that all these people from countries like Tiajuanna and Accapulco should just go home and leave us alone here. They are why everythings stinks here and now. These lefty progressive and liberal people always say that the mess we are in now its President George W. Bushes fawlt. But how on G-ds green earth can it be his fawlt when HE ISNT EVEN A MEXICAN! (Duh). I am sick and tired of him and Mr. Dick Chaney being blamed when they were two of the greatest leaders we have ever posessed. And now we have a chance to posess another. I am talking of our own Rick Perry a man of the people and a woman too Michelle Bachman. We need to get out and vote them in the white house and get the muslim obama out. And the other people we need to watch are the ones that Mr Rick Perrys friend and supporter Pastor John Hagee warned about when he said “And they the hunters should hunt them,’ that will be the Jews. ‘From every mountain and from every hill and from out of the holes of the rocks.’ If that doesn’t describe what Hitler did in the holocaust you can’t see that.” That’s what the good Pastor said amen and I have it right here on a couch cushun. So we can be sure its immagrints who are not the pure Americans who are the problem as always they have been. Im sure we would all be fine and dandy to go pick our own letuce and mellons and what have you gladly. The young people are always going to the gim instead they would probably love to get the ecxercise out in the sun in the fields picking food and things. We don’t need anyone from a country like Moscow or wherever. So remember vote.
A spokesperson for Darth Vader said today, “Mr. Vader is deeply saddened, and highly insulted, by any, and all, comparisons between him and Dick Cheney.” She went on to say, “Mr. Vader killed approximately 215 people, give or take another 20 or so, including some Jedis, and, yes – he killed Obi-wan Kenobi, Padme’, The Emperor, some Battle Droids and Super battle Droids, Captain Antilles, and some imperial officers…that’s it. Unlike Mr. Cheney, he did not, however, preside over an Continue reading